I don't know what i am feeling right now.
Just feeling a mixed of emotions.
I guess, its still affecting me every now and then, thou i reckon that i should have just moved on, but apparently, as much as i cant get the thought off my mind, even the casual talk with friends can end us up in the loss of our friend.
I don't know how they catch this whole thing, but as for me, and i have said it in the previous post, it really makes me deepen down my thoughts, it really deepen my conviction, as i really experience fragility of life.
It happened all too sudden, i didnt know how to react then, i didn't even want to put myself in any of his or his family shoes, because no matter how hard i would have tried, i know I could never ever relate to what they are going through
What nadia told me this morning was really true,at our age, we only know how to enjoy life and all, but for raihan, he experienced so much more...so much more then we can ever imagine.
It really serves as a wake up call for us, because life and death isn't just a passing issue, neither will it missed us, simply because we are still young.
I don't want this form of regret that i carried for raihan to repeat itselves if one day such event happens again.
Instead, i want them to be comforting and peace thats upon me that if it happens again.
I don't want the memories that others have for me as they begin to reflect on, to be only negative and nothing else.
Instead i want it to fond memories that it will bring them joy as they began to think about it, bringing a smile, even at the final moments of their life.
I don't want to go through the final moments of my own life to be only thinking about events which hasn't occur, and i start regretting why didnt i make them happen.
I want to be as much as possible to be silently shouting for joy as i finally end my marathon with a blast and nothing thats drawing me back.
I don't want to regret not letting someone know how much they have impacted me and how important they are to be only at the point when i know its all too late.
Instead, i wanna start cherishing them, and every single moment moment that i have with them.
Neither do i want the memories what others have for me when i leave the world to be only negative and absolutely nothing else.
I want to leave behind fond memories, or even a legacy for people to remincise.
Thou by then, it would have matter no more, but to isn't it sad if you think about it now?
If given a choice, i would have chose to not think about having any the people that i know to be leaving us, as a matter of fact, i don't want to,but yet, this incident just leaves me with no alternative, if it has only bring sorrows, it misses its point, its important for us or rather if its me alone, to get myself mentally prepared, and to really do something about my present life so that i wont regret again.
I thank God for giving me this life to live, and being able to amend my mistake before its all too late, I love him, for his plans and decision made for every single one of us, Jesus for intercepting for us everytime, and Holy Spirit for guiding me for staying by me when i Need him.
I pray for safety to be upon every single one that i know of, especially my family and friends, and even if He decides to bring them with to Him one day, i pray that they will leave with joy rather then feeling remorseful over what they did.
All in all, its definitely better to live short yet meaningful life, than living long yet meaningless life.
Let it be a wake up call and lesson learnt for every single one of us ba.
I want my destiny to be fufilled, by faith.
Thank you God, thank you Raihan.
0 comments:
Post a Comment