When night falls....

I think i feel so much better after addressing what that has been choking and piling up my chest to wen jie.

Because i will be lying if i say that i hasn't feel stretched or facing any challenges along the way, but at the end of the day, its ALL worthwhile:D

Its gonna be a busy week ahead.
I have no idea what i was thinking when i sent that sms to say that i wanna work five day for the whole week.

Will be working on monday, tues, thurs, fri and sat.
Then i will most probably be having tertiary meeting on tues after work, meeting kun and wen jie up on hari raya, then cgm after work on thurs, meeting may and people on either fri or sat, then church on sunday.

Now that its already 24th.



Happy belated 18th birthday Xiong!

Hope you had fun.:) thou it could have been better, like duh. hahaha
And thank you for almost landing us in geylang hor. haha




And and and.

Happy belated 19th birthday Michelle KONG!

Sorry for not being able to join your today yea? but hope you had fun as well.:)


I had to miss tertiary meeting, and now i have to ask marilyn to take over my shift for tomorrow.
I really feel quite uneasy now cos my present store manager who rumors has it that he had a crush on me, actually swapped shift with the manager who supposedly is doing opening with me and marilyn told me that from what she heard from him, he is coming down just to see me.
I originally thought that its ok to work opening shift with another manager, but i was shocked when i was on the train just now when i receive his sms asking me not to be late for the shift tomorrow and its his first opening shift in store as well, with a smiley face with sunglasses.=.=
K lah, maybe its just coincidence, cos i agree PARTLY with what xiong say, say face, okok, say figure, maybe he like big size one. LOL
But this can't go on any longer, my bank is depleting like a running tap, i have to work! school's gonna reopen soon!!!



On the other hand, i am quite proud of myself cos i have officially started my jog everyday plan!!
Jogged for 5km yesterday and 3.5km just now.
I pray hard that the fire never dies.
And yea, as quoted from kenny whom he quoted from his friend, Don't let your muscle rule your mind.
On top of that, i say, don't let the thought of going through the process demoralize you, instead let benefits and outcome motivates you!

I find what my sis said just now partially true.
Human beings are like that, the more they see that one is trying to hide something, or once they know that the things that they say will embarrass you or shame you, the more they wanna tap into it, but if you know how to react generously and openly, they will eventually stop saying what they are saying cos its of no effect to you.

I don't know why.

But i am feeling so damn bloody high right now, i didnt take any alchohol nor drugs, but randomly, i am feeling damn happy, and smiling to my screen every now and then, but no, i am not going bonker, neither did anyone confess to me, LOL, its just, this happiness thats coming out of nowhere.

hahahahaha, if thats what michelle or sucker calls it the drunk on air, i am probably experiencing right now, but ironically, the air today isn't really fresh, neither is it cooling, in fact, its actually very hot and quite smelly. cos i hasn't bathe since i got home just now

By the way, if your still remember, that terence chicken who cheated me off my one month salary a year back, he actually added me on facebook! i know, my facebook account are on its verge of rusting.
BUt I was very shock intially, because i thought he has already vanished into thin air like really thin air, and that he ceased to exist in my world anymore, until he stupidly added me on facebook.
Like DUH, he must have thought that i vanished into thin air as well, yes stupid enough.
But a year has passed lah, don't think its of any use even if i asked him for the money as well anymore.hahahaha.

As tired as i am supposed to, i am actually still wide awake.
I hasn't sleep since thursday because i have been busy with INMM, and the after effects of forcing myself to stay awake resulted in blabbling of nonsense that are totally of no link , and talking like Jay chou back then, totally mummling.
With that, i CAN FINALLY RELATE to kun when he say that his too tired and his brain is dead, and begins talking nonsense. HAHAHA.

And earlier on, during the submission of my INMM, I then realize that because i was overwhelmed by the excitement that i have finally finished my flashsite, after publishing my swf file, I ACTUALY FORGOT TO SAVE THE WORKING FLA FILE for my index page, and i happily clicked a "No" to save changes. And that resulted me in wasting another 1-2 hours of my life trying to get the fla file out.=.=

But that didn't domoralise me that much, cos rick was so nice to me that he allowed me to submit a bit later, but then again, he is also not as nice as i thought he is because HE BOMBED ME WITH QUESTIONS during my presentation.


Hahaha, so anyway, i also met up with hao and chengyong just now.
Went down to store to talk to the new store manager, and he agreed with the pact that bear has made with me, which also means that i will not be leaving starbucks for the time being.

We then headed down to marina square, and HAHAHA, while we were on our way to the escalator up to marina square, i managed to make them look like a fool with the kenny's lame trick which can be funny at times. lol.
And i finally bought my sports shoe, after like so many months, and i also, finally, spent my MARINA SQUARE VOUCHER, which i had many times find it hard to spend.
We also went to catch the Chao ah beng movie titled "The days" and i tell you, as corny and boring as the movie title, the show is worst.
Not only were the storyline boring, there were too many things going on in the show which has of equal focus in the movie and i felt that the scriptwriter is using too many complex and unrelated ways to tell a simple story, and that has resulted in too many misconceptions and i couldn't understand his/her deliverance at all, there were also too many insignificant character which the 3 of us feel whether or not they are in the movie, it don't really makes a difference.
But the animation was great, the songs was kind of good as well, but a movie without a good storyline isn't worth watching.

Headed for dinner then slacked around before heading home.
Hahaha, it was fun.

Before i forget, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY SHELLA LAU.:D

And i shall stop here, cos i cannot remember anymore things that had happened already.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

Do YOU know why am i so happy now?

That's because.....







I AM DONE WITH MY INMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



1 more hour to submission.

And guess what? i did it.... ON MY OWN.
Feeling so proud of myself:D
But whether or not i will pass, its another story, but then again, i fulfill all the requirements leh... so don't think passing is a problem.
HEHEHE

I promise, i will go fulfill my promise to go jogging after today.



And honestly, i wasn't even angry, if you know me long enough, you should know why do i react in such a manner.
IF you priority isn't even on us, let alone that occasion, WHY bother meeting us up anyway?
Moreover, is it really that hard to choose between the importance of both occasion?
I am sorry if i have hurt you in anyway, but think about it, you might never have the chance to do so again.
I will be tying a yellow ribbon around that old oak tree if you are keen to change your mind, otherwise, i will just paint it green.
lol:D

I feel like an ass now, because i have to wake up 9am in the morning tomorrow and i am still wide awake at this hour.
Moreover, i think i will need my sleep badly, because i reckon that i will need the energy to substain me as i doubt i will have any mood to sleep later on.
I still have this, INMM flash site to rush out on friday, yet despite attempting to rush it just now, it was not very fruitful.
And its preoccupying my mind now because everytime i close my eyes, i see codings and more codings, and i also vivldly see scenes of words and pictures flying all over the place, fading in and out, all these imagination obviously, doesn't help much because the codes that i see, are all BLUR and the things that i imagined, ARE WAY BEYOND MY CAPABILITY.

If only codings drops from the skies and solutions just *tink* appear infront of me.
Or it will be even better if Godwere to grant me super wisdom to understand flash 3.0 just for a day.
Otherwise, for every minute that i am gonna spend continueing on my flash site, my laptop will be on its risk to crashing, literally.

Its pure frustration when you don't understand the code that you are doing.


K, i think i feel so much better now.
Think there should be no problem sleeping already.

Just came back after visiting my father at the hospital just now.
His was having swollen legs and both of them are showing signs of rotting, which could be due to his diebeties, but the condition is getting better already.
Thank God that it was a false alarm when me and my sis thought that he might have to get the legs cut off, and his will be discharged either tomorrow or the day after.

Anyway, my urge to colour my hair once again has come to pass, but instead of the intial blue black, i did a mat brown, which my sis commented that i look the same with it.
But I told her the reason why i did this colour was not because i wanna look different, in fact, i wanted to get back my guai kia image and i am pretty satisfied with this colour.
So now, i won't have people asking me for lighter, or friends calling me a chao ah beng, and did i mentioned that there was this guy whom i got to know through my temp job at SGH asking me why do i talk so decently when i look like a ah beng.
But well,what can i say, its all because of my hair.

But if you are curious why do i suddenly have this urge, its all because of wen jie's house mirror, somehow when i look into her mirror, i saw the flaws on my face and the uneven spread of colour on my hair, which i found it quite disturbing.

And if you are curious again how and why did i look into her mirror randomly, i obviously, stayed over at her place yesterday, cos the meeting ended late yesterday and i missed the last train, so yea, i went over to her place at around 1 plus, bought glutinous rice, 8 siew mai, 1 chicken wing and 1 yam cake which i bought hastily on the way to her place and all those were my breadfast,lunch and dinner.
And i didn't sleep until 4-5plus because i am suffering from the after effects of late night sleep which resulted in a disruption of my biological clock.
Crawled up at 8am, wanted to leave the house with wen jie, but decided against it and procrastinated till 2pm cos i wanted to play with samuel and of course to get more sleep.
Left the place, roamed around library and jp mac to look for powerplug seats to do my work, but to no avail, ended up training back to tampines, and the series of event goes on.

And yea, on the way back after i finshed with my hair, i bumped into mr chan who still remembers me by my name after 4years, thou he has retired, but his memory still beats that ba teng, who clearly forgotten my name as soon as the next year i visits her during teachers day.
WELL, he also commented that he almost couldnt recognize me until i called out to him cos he was expecting a bigger size boon soom. LOL
Whatever.

I got the urge to dye my hair blue black. lol

I lost the ability to substain a conversation.

I used to be a chatterbox, often punished by teachers during class for talking wayyy too much, i still remember how Mrs Quek used to isolate me at one corner, nearest to the teacher's table=.= for talking non-stop non stop in class.
She did gave me chance you see, at the very beginning, i was seated in between liang and hao, then one sweet day, i can't recall which day was that, she decides get me shifted and moved me away because she claimed that i was distracting the two of them, which i wont deny it lah. lol

But thou it was a correct decision to be made, it was also a stupid one.
Because she actually shifted me next to....CLAUDIA VALER AND INFRONT OF XIONG,WEE KIAT AND CHEE LEONG.
Which is like duh, at the point of time, i still remember her asking claudia to supervise me, cos she was the class rep and all.
But come to think of it, it makes no sense at all, because supposingly, guys generally talk lesser then girls, so if she had wanted me to stop talking, she should place me beside a guy rather then a girl right?
So ya lo, things didnt turn out for the better, in fact, worst cause i ended up singing instead of just talking. hahaha.
Then occasionally, i will psycho them to sleep in class, or otherwise, i will still talk to liang and hao because they were just diagonal away.
Then when i am bored, i will start arguing with Ugene Tay who is seated in front of me.

So, Mrs quek was obviously not satisfied with my talketiveness lah, that was why, i ended up. that isolated seat nearest to the teachers table.
But i must say, i am not a bad student, at least, not the worst in my class, just slightly distracted easily.



Which makes me wonder where have all my communciation skills gone to.
And what made me a chatterbox back then, thou we see each other every single day, but there were like, never ending things to talk about.

WHERE HAVE MY COMMUNICATION SKILLS ALL GONE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I can't even for nuts, substain a conversation these days, while only if its something more, serious, otherwise, i can't talk crap for nuts.

Through the years, ok, only 3 years, i still find this song rocking. hahaha.

Its none other then, mariah carey's We belong together.



Especially this performance, its so cool!
Mariah is the only one in colour whereas others are all in black and white. lol

I am done.

Well, i made an effort to make this blog of mine look slightly nicer because i probably won't be touching it pretty much for the next few months.

Needa go back school for the supp paper briefing later, and will pretty much be working on it for the whole of next week as the presentation is only on next friday.


Looking at things, I am capable of doing better things.

SIAN AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I failed INMM

Thou i have seen it coming, but yea, when you see all other people passing, leaving you the pathetic one taking supp, you just can't help but to feel sad.
But i didnt regret over the decision that i have made back then.

I think i might have listened to too much of mariah carey's rendition of O'holy night that...


I AM JUST SO LOOKING FORWARD TO CHRISTMAS!


Her voice brings the christmas mood, lol, i can't recalled when did it started, but each year, i will be euthastically showing mariah carey's O'holy night to people. It blew me away each time round, and is still blowing me away up till today.

Although they are no snows in singapore, neither do we have santa claus, but somehow, and i don't know why, its still something that i look forward to.
Minus away the number of groping, pick pocketing and sprays assualting thats is gonna happen during the countdown(thou i haven't been through the first 2 cases before), christmas is just so heartwarming. But then again, it will be weird if festive season like christmas has none of the above happening.

So, yea....i again, think this is a random and pointless post, because christmas is still 3 months away.

Meanwhile, rumour has it that results is coming out this week!
It will be a miracle if i need not take any supp paper.

I hate this damn flu.

Its choking me, and is causing me to have difficulty breathing. And i feel so lethagic, and for every 10-20 seconds, i have to stop and force myself to suck in big amount of air so that the air can go deep down into my lungs, and that doesn't always end up making me feel better because sometimes, despite sucking big amount of air, it still doesn't go in.
And while working just now, for every 5 steps that i took, i had to stop down to breathe, the feeling, and even while typing this post, i am making the biggest effort to suck in large quantity of air.

And for the past two nights, before going to sleep, there were moments when i got paranoid and was afraid that i might never wake up after the sleep, because who knows, because of the lack of air, i suffocated, and my heart stop pumping..that will be so terrifying.

I don't wanna die now, there are so many things still unsaid, and so many things still not done.

Damn, if this is not getting any better, i have to really consult a doctor.

Was weary, was tired, was disappointed, was negative and was weak.

Indeed, when you begin to step out of your comfort zone, everything will just go crashing intially and its almost like the world is going upside down because its just not easy to get used to it.
Furthermore, it will drain you, physically, mentally and emotionally, like a running tap.

Although my will is strong, but my flesh is really weak.
Often easily defeated by negative thoughts and circumstances, my capacity was just that much, that it didnt take long for me to feel defeated over trivial issues.

I was praying really hard, for God to pour his love upon me once again, because i felt really tired having to serve and love the people, because i felt that my only source of support comes from Him.
But it didn't come immedialely.
When wen jie asked me why was i looking down the other day, i told her i was ok, because i was afraid that it will be a burden to her.
And i felt that there was a shift for my focus, as i wasn't doing well in the area that i am called to be in.

I told God, that yes, i have faith, but why are things still the way that it is?
But i chose to cling on, because i know, i serve a great God, and being defeated once, i know i am not gonna let it go once again.
I continue walking in faith, and i trust in God that He will speak to me.

And i thank God, for the service today.
Was truely blessed.

As we began to sing amazing grace, i just felt his unending grace that has always been upon my life.
And as pastor tan began sharing the word, i felt a touch, and the points almost stood out to me, answering to all my prayers and refilled that almost empty oil tank of mine. lol.

And i began to realize that thou i was faithful.
But i had self doubts, i doubted to whether am I really empowered to do this.
I doubted myself, and the doubts blinded me from knowing that God has chose me and His has faith in me,as much as we have faith in Him.
Thats when i began to realize, that God has been continuely doing His work, but i was too focus on my self-doubtfulness to see all the things that he has been doing.

And now, as i am typing this entry, i was suddenly recalled of the angel and mortal game that we played just not long ago.
God has always been sending angels to bless us because He knows that for us to be blessing others, He must first bless us, and its a on going cycle that runs with love and should never ever go dry.
And it never should, because God's love is the greatest of all.
But if we doubt ourselves, and feel that we are not worthy, no amount of love that God poured onto us will make us feel love, neither will any amount of blessing make us feel blessed.
Because we are missing the point, God always believes in us, then why should we submit to the voice of the devil?
I am glad and truely blessed.
And the 3 thank you slips that kat,may and kenny wrote for me during the revealing of the angel and mortal games stood up to me once again.
That instancely broke the chains of the devil that has been telling me that I am not doing my things well, i am not doing good enough.
So yea, when you feel the appreciation from God, you will feel extreamly comforted, and when you feel the appreciation from people, you are reassured that extream comfort comes from the works of God in your life.


So yea..................hahahaha

k....lol

So anyway, i just got home.
And i haven bathe, and i feel really smelly.

Slacked at Esplanade with kenny,mabel, weisiong, pengru and nicholas just now.
They did lots of crazy stunts, while I, sang of course.
LOL, and i realize, MABEL CAN WHISTLE LEH.
As in whistle register.

So, i will be working at starbucks tomorrow, probably last or second last shift.
And still deciding on whether to attend the camp on tues.

Hahaha.
I don't know what to say already.
Byebye.

"Take A Chance On Me"

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you
It's magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(Come on, give me a break will you?)
Take a chance on me
Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It's magic
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

[fade]


=====================================


Lazy to type in complete sentence.

Dotaed till 5.30am with K and his friend.
Woke up at 11am 12pm to Service Phone
Met up with, K,M,M,R,W,J,G to basketball slack
Slacked and crapped.
Met 3 cute kids Ni gei wo, wo bu dong.QiQi.
Of which, 2 cried.
Slack somemore.
Dinner.
Walked.
Crapped.
Slept on train.
Home.

I am experiencing, breathing difficulty due to flu and cough.
Dieing any moment.

And my day?
In sequence.

Arguement.
Flu
Lack of sleep.
Blister
Bad hair cut.
Burned wrong disc.
Nervousness.
Disappointment.
Feeling imcompentent.
Disappointment again.
Feeling bad.
Had wrong thoughts.

But they are all over.

And distance, once again, is never a problem.
I really love the people.

Came across a rare bulletin which caught my eye.

You know, girls always complains that guys don't understand them.
Well, i don't think girls understands us as much too.

P.S: as much as i agree to some of the points, i don't agree with some of them too.

I have originally planned to rot, rest and slack for the whole of this week, at least till friday.

But after today, i think i should reconsider the plan.

It's no doubt good to rest, rot and slack at home, but i realize, in the meantime, i am eating alot of junk food!!! Lots of potato chips!
And yea, there's nothing much for me to do at home anyway, most importantly, i am wasting my time away!

So yea, normal lifestyle shall resume soon, as soon as tomorrow.

If not for the almost nationwide school holiday today, otherwise, you will rarely see people on the streets where i normally used to walk home from interchange back home.

I got shocked when a blangladesh guy suddenly turned to me when i was overtaking him just now.
For a moment, it was really horrifying, because the road is dark, and his dark and yea.
And for the fact that he suddenly turned to me and caught me by surprised, i almost thought that it was the "4bia" movie that i watched earlier on thats is coming to haunt me for laughing too hard and over-reacting.
Anyway, i was fast enough to calm my nerves and make out that, his a human, and took out my ear piece as he was trying to ask me something.

So he began blabbling, " tam pa nis nan, tam pa nes nan"
I was like, Huh? nan?
It took me around 1minute to figure out what he was trying to say, he began showing his finger, which obviously, not in a vulgar way, and that took another 15secs to count the number of fingers that he was showing, 15 secs to listen to what he was trying to say because i couldn't understand at all, and yea, 30 secs to finally digest the full thing.

He was blabbling "tampines 9" instead of " tam pa nes nun"
=.=
But i was quite slow also, because obviously he was referring to avenue 9 cos street 9 doesn't even exist, yet i still ask him whether is it avenue, or street.

After some cow head don't match horse mouth conversation.
I replied "i have no idea, sorry" and walked off.
=.=
2minutes of my life wasted.


So yea, its really a happening sunday night, because there were quite a number of people on streets.

Of which, i walked pass xiong and liang.
Some cycling kids.
Some uncles.
Some crowds.

But yea, i was walking pretty fast, and will not normally stop for too long.

On another note, i am falling sick, probably got the virus from SGH, or otherwise, kennyeo.
But argh, my throat is feeling weird, and i am sneezing like argh.
It doesn't feel good, at all.

And i chanced by my old file which i used during my secondary school days in my drawer.
The blue one. hahaha.
Whats amazing is..................!!!

As i began flipping the pockets looking through the piles of piles of amaths notes that i used to treat it like gold(like real), and class photos(still gold, is real)
2 $10 note fell off from the pocket right into the drawer, and i didnt realize it until i was done with the flipping and putting it back into the drawer, i saw it there!
LoL, i thought it was my mom who put my next day allowance in, but no, when i asked her moments later, she gave it to me on the spot.
I thought hard..Really hard.

And tadah.

I think i remembered that i used to be very random, and that will sometimes do silly things.
If i am not wrong, one of which was to slip in my allowance back then in my file so that i can save up=.=

And, i have clearly forgotten about it.
Entirely.

My memory sucks. LOL

And hahaha, this is a pointless entry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear God, i need a renewing of mind and i desire for your love, show me how to love, like you have love me.
Let me love, sacrifice and serve your people.
God, my source of strength comes from you.

And Lord, i need to be healthy, i need to be empowered.
So that that people that i serve, and taking care of, can be healthy as well.