When night falls....

Was weary, was tired, was disappointed, was negative and was weak.

Indeed, when you begin to step out of your comfort zone, everything will just go crashing intially and its almost like the world is going upside down because its just not easy to get used to it.
Furthermore, it will drain you, physically, mentally and emotionally, like a running tap.

Although my will is strong, but my flesh is really weak.
Often easily defeated by negative thoughts and circumstances, my capacity was just that much, that it didnt take long for me to feel defeated over trivial issues.

I was praying really hard, for God to pour his love upon me once again, because i felt really tired having to serve and love the people, because i felt that my only source of support comes from Him.
But it didn't come immedialely.
When wen jie asked me why was i looking down the other day, i told her i was ok, because i was afraid that it will be a burden to her.
And i felt that there was a shift for my focus, as i wasn't doing well in the area that i am called to be in.

I told God, that yes, i have faith, but why are things still the way that it is?
But i chose to cling on, because i know, i serve a great God, and being defeated once, i know i am not gonna let it go once again.
I continue walking in faith, and i trust in God that He will speak to me.

And i thank God, for the service today.
Was truely blessed.

As we began to sing amazing grace, i just felt his unending grace that has always been upon my life.
And as pastor tan began sharing the word, i felt a touch, and the points almost stood out to me, answering to all my prayers and refilled that almost empty oil tank of mine. lol.

And i began to realize that thou i was faithful.
But i had self doubts, i doubted to whether am I really empowered to do this.
I doubted myself, and the doubts blinded me from knowing that God has chose me and His has faith in me,as much as we have faith in Him.
Thats when i began to realize, that God has been continuely doing His work, but i was too focus on my self-doubtfulness to see all the things that he has been doing.

And now, as i am typing this entry, i was suddenly recalled of the angel and mortal game that we played just not long ago.
God has always been sending angels to bless us because He knows that for us to be blessing others, He must first bless us, and its a on going cycle that runs with love and should never ever go dry.
And it never should, because God's love is the greatest of all.
But if we doubt ourselves, and feel that we are not worthy, no amount of love that God poured onto us will make us feel love, neither will any amount of blessing make us feel blessed.
Because we are missing the point, God always believes in us, then why should we submit to the voice of the devil?
I am glad and truely blessed.
And the 3 thank you slips that kat,may and kenny wrote for me during the revealing of the angel and mortal games stood up to me once again.
That instancely broke the chains of the devil that has been telling me that I am not doing my things well, i am not doing good enough.
So yea, when you feel the appreciation from God, you will feel extreamly comforted, and when you feel the appreciation from people, you are reassured that extream comfort comes from the works of God in your life.


So yea..................hahahaha

k....lol

So anyway, i just got home.
And i haven bathe, and i feel really smelly.

Slacked at Esplanade with kenny,mabel, weisiong, pengru and nicholas just now.
They did lots of crazy stunts, while I, sang of course.
LOL, and i realize, MABEL CAN WHISTLE LEH.
As in whistle register.

So, i will be working at starbucks tomorrow, probably last or second last shift.
And still deciding on whether to attend the camp on tues.

Hahaha.
I don't know what to say already.
Byebye.