When night falls....

I am done.

Well, i made an effort to make this blog of mine look slightly nicer because i probably won't be touching it pretty much for the next few months.

Needa go back school for the supp paper briefing later, and will pretty much be working on it for the whole of next week as the presentation is only on next friday.


Looking at things, I am capable of doing better things.

SIAN AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I failed INMM

Thou i have seen it coming, but yea, when you see all other people passing, leaving you the pathetic one taking supp, you just can't help but to feel sad.
But i didnt regret over the decision that i have made back then.

I think i might have listened to too much of mariah carey's rendition of O'holy night that...


I AM JUST SO LOOKING FORWARD TO CHRISTMAS!


Her voice brings the christmas mood, lol, i can't recalled when did it started, but each year, i will be euthastically showing mariah carey's O'holy night to people. It blew me away each time round, and is still blowing me away up till today.

Although they are no snows in singapore, neither do we have santa claus, but somehow, and i don't know why, its still something that i look forward to.
Minus away the number of groping, pick pocketing and sprays assualting thats is gonna happen during the countdown(thou i haven't been through the first 2 cases before), christmas is just so heartwarming. But then again, it will be weird if festive season like christmas has none of the above happening.

So, yea....i again, think this is a random and pointless post, because christmas is still 3 months away.

Meanwhile, rumour has it that results is coming out this week!
It will be a miracle if i need not take any supp paper.

I hate this damn flu.

Its choking me, and is causing me to have difficulty breathing. And i feel so lethagic, and for every 10-20 seconds, i have to stop and force myself to suck in big amount of air so that the air can go deep down into my lungs, and that doesn't always end up making me feel better because sometimes, despite sucking big amount of air, it still doesn't go in.
And while working just now, for every 5 steps that i took, i had to stop down to breathe, the feeling, and even while typing this post, i am making the biggest effort to suck in large quantity of air.

And for the past two nights, before going to sleep, there were moments when i got paranoid and was afraid that i might never wake up after the sleep, because who knows, because of the lack of air, i suffocated, and my heart stop pumping..that will be so terrifying.

I don't wanna die now, there are so many things still unsaid, and so many things still not done.

Damn, if this is not getting any better, i have to really consult a doctor.

Was weary, was tired, was disappointed, was negative and was weak.

Indeed, when you begin to step out of your comfort zone, everything will just go crashing intially and its almost like the world is going upside down because its just not easy to get used to it.
Furthermore, it will drain you, physically, mentally and emotionally, like a running tap.

Although my will is strong, but my flesh is really weak.
Often easily defeated by negative thoughts and circumstances, my capacity was just that much, that it didnt take long for me to feel defeated over trivial issues.

I was praying really hard, for God to pour his love upon me once again, because i felt really tired having to serve and love the people, because i felt that my only source of support comes from Him.
But it didn't come immedialely.
When wen jie asked me why was i looking down the other day, i told her i was ok, because i was afraid that it will be a burden to her.
And i felt that there was a shift for my focus, as i wasn't doing well in the area that i am called to be in.

I told God, that yes, i have faith, but why are things still the way that it is?
But i chose to cling on, because i know, i serve a great God, and being defeated once, i know i am not gonna let it go once again.
I continue walking in faith, and i trust in God that He will speak to me.

And i thank God, for the service today.
Was truely blessed.

As we began to sing amazing grace, i just felt his unending grace that has always been upon my life.
And as pastor tan began sharing the word, i felt a touch, and the points almost stood out to me, answering to all my prayers and refilled that almost empty oil tank of mine. lol.

And i began to realize that thou i was faithful.
But i had self doubts, i doubted to whether am I really empowered to do this.
I doubted myself, and the doubts blinded me from knowing that God has chose me and His has faith in me,as much as we have faith in Him.
Thats when i began to realize, that God has been continuely doing His work, but i was too focus on my self-doubtfulness to see all the things that he has been doing.

And now, as i am typing this entry, i was suddenly recalled of the angel and mortal game that we played just not long ago.
God has always been sending angels to bless us because He knows that for us to be blessing others, He must first bless us, and its a on going cycle that runs with love and should never ever go dry.
And it never should, because God's love is the greatest of all.
But if we doubt ourselves, and feel that we are not worthy, no amount of love that God poured onto us will make us feel love, neither will any amount of blessing make us feel blessed.
Because we are missing the point, God always believes in us, then why should we submit to the voice of the devil?
I am glad and truely blessed.
And the 3 thank you slips that kat,may and kenny wrote for me during the revealing of the angel and mortal games stood up to me once again.
That instancely broke the chains of the devil that has been telling me that I am not doing my things well, i am not doing good enough.
So yea, when you feel the appreciation from God, you will feel extreamly comforted, and when you feel the appreciation from people, you are reassured that extream comfort comes from the works of God in your life.


So yea..................hahahaha

k....lol

So anyway, i just got home.
And i haven bathe, and i feel really smelly.

Slacked at Esplanade with kenny,mabel, weisiong, pengru and nicholas just now.
They did lots of crazy stunts, while I, sang of course.
LOL, and i realize, MABEL CAN WHISTLE LEH.
As in whistle register.

So, i will be working at starbucks tomorrow, probably last or second last shift.
And still deciding on whether to attend the camp on tues.

Hahaha.
I don't know what to say already.
Byebye.

"Take A Chance On Me"

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you
It's magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(Come on, give me a break will you?)
Take a chance on me
Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It's magic
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

[fade]


=====================================


Lazy to type in complete sentence.

Dotaed till 5.30am with K and his friend.
Woke up at 11am 12pm to Service Phone
Met up with, K,M,M,R,W,J,G to basketball slack
Slacked and crapped.
Met 3 cute kids Ni gei wo, wo bu dong.QiQi.
Of which, 2 cried.
Slack somemore.
Dinner.
Walked.
Crapped.
Slept on train.
Home.

I am experiencing, breathing difficulty due to flu and cough.
Dieing any moment.

And my day?
In sequence.

Arguement.
Flu
Lack of sleep.
Blister
Bad hair cut.
Burned wrong disc.
Nervousness.
Disappointment.
Feeling imcompentent.
Disappointment again.
Feeling bad.
Had wrong thoughts.

But they are all over.

And distance, once again, is never a problem.
I really love the people.

Came across a rare bulletin which caught my eye.

You know, girls always complains that guys don't understand them.
Well, i don't think girls understands us as much too.

P.S: as much as i agree to some of the points, i don't agree with some of them too.

I have originally planned to rot, rest and slack for the whole of this week, at least till friday.

But after today, i think i should reconsider the plan.

It's no doubt good to rest, rot and slack at home, but i realize, in the meantime, i am eating alot of junk food!!! Lots of potato chips!
And yea, there's nothing much for me to do at home anyway, most importantly, i am wasting my time away!

So yea, normal lifestyle shall resume soon, as soon as tomorrow.

If not for the almost nationwide school holiday today, otherwise, you will rarely see people on the streets where i normally used to walk home from interchange back home.

I got shocked when a blangladesh guy suddenly turned to me when i was overtaking him just now.
For a moment, it was really horrifying, because the road is dark, and his dark and yea.
And for the fact that he suddenly turned to me and caught me by surprised, i almost thought that it was the "4bia" movie that i watched earlier on thats is coming to haunt me for laughing too hard and over-reacting.
Anyway, i was fast enough to calm my nerves and make out that, his a human, and took out my ear piece as he was trying to ask me something.

So he began blabbling, " tam pa nis nan, tam pa nes nan"
I was like, Huh? nan?
It took me around 1minute to figure out what he was trying to say, he began showing his finger, which obviously, not in a vulgar way, and that took another 15secs to count the number of fingers that he was showing, 15 secs to listen to what he was trying to say because i couldn't understand at all, and yea, 30 secs to finally digest the full thing.

He was blabbling "tampines 9" instead of " tam pa nes nun"
=.=
But i was quite slow also, because obviously he was referring to avenue 9 cos street 9 doesn't even exist, yet i still ask him whether is it avenue, or street.

After some cow head don't match horse mouth conversation.
I replied "i have no idea, sorry" and walked off.
=.=
2minutes of my life wasted.


So yea, its really a happening sunday night, because there were quite a number of people on streets.

Of which, i walked pass xiong and liang.
Some cycling kids.
Some uncles.
Some crowds.

But yea, i was walking pretty fast, and will not normally stop for too long.

On another note, i am falling sick, probably got the virus from SGH, or otherwise, kennyeo.
But argh, my throat is feeling weird, and i am sneezing like argh.
It doesn't feel good, at all.

And i chanced by my old file which i used during my secondary school days in my drawer.
The blue one. hahaha.
Whats amazing is..................!!!

As i began flipping the pockets looking through the piles of piles of amaths notes that i used to treat it like gold(like real), and class photos(still gold, is real)
2 $10 note fell off from the pocket right into the drawer, and i didnt realize it until i was done with the flipping and putting it back into the drawer, i saw it there!
LoL, i thought it was my mom who put my next day allowance in, but no, when i asked her moments later, she gave it to me on the spot.
I thought hard..Really hard.

And tadah.

I think i remembered that i used to be very random, and that will sometimes do silly things.
If i am not wrong, one of which was to slip in my allowance back then in my file so that i can save up=.=

And, i have clearly forgotten about it.
Entirely.

My memory sucks. LOL

And hahaha, this is a pointless entry.

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Dear God, i need a renewing of mind and i desire for your love, show me how to love, like you have love me.
Let me love, sacrifice and serve your people.
God, my source of strength comes from you.

And Lord, i need to be healthy, i need to be empowered.
So that that people that i serve, and taking care of, can be healthy as well.