Stressed out.
I have lots of things to sae,but i cant expressed them into words.
I jus feel so much like a loser.
With a pun.
Getting rather depressed lately.
I have always been the one giving,yet it is so discourgaging for me to not receiving.
Who can i turn to when i am having sleepless nites with my problemS?
Who is e one tat truely understands me?
People turns to me when they r feeling down.
I tried my best to comfort,but who can i turn to when i am feeling down?
Jus tis..
I felt like a dirt.
A irritating brat.
A Temporary shore.
A shelter against the heavy rain.
Haix..
Did anyone sae tat it's good to give and not receive?
I admire tat person man..
His attitude rox.
But does tat attitude exist in e 1st place?
Humans need love and concern.
Vice versa.
With a path or another shut down,the person will soon become a puppet.
ARgh..seems like one path of mine had been shut down.
LOng ago.
No one cares how am i feeling.
Not even at home.
No one understands.
U tink tolerantin is so fun?
try it den.
Try getting insulted numerous no of times abt ur weight,size,strengths and interest.
Show me how long can ur withstand.
My strengths had turned into my weakness.
The tolerant or optimistic nature tat i had haf turned me into an vulnerable being.
The Boon soom tat can sing,now cant tolerate critisism.
Pieces of my thoughts here and there.
I cant even sort it out.
When the aunties asked me why am i feeling so tired.
Wat can i tell them?
Will they care?..
Everyone have their own problems..
So do i.
Jus tat..
I have no idea where the problem lies.
Izzit kinship?
Friendship?
Emotions?
I am a loser.
I losed the respect tat a human being odds 2 receive.
i losed my frens.
i losed my family.
and now,i am lost..
I feel so much better 2 years back when i will always indulged myself in cyberland.
Ragnarok,diablo.
Tat's where i found my dignity.
And the freedom to choose wat i wanna do.
And where i wanna go.
And time passes by real fast.
It's better to pass my days by.
This is how a loser like me feel..
Dear God..are u there?
Lots to sae....
Sometimes,when one tries 2 help another too much.
The latter find him irritating.
Tats e unappreciative version of e story..
AIya..i feeling very frustrated now,
Jus felt like blogging,now my father scold.
ARGH!
Been complaining.
Argh.
Working life sux.
Especially at MODUSLINK.
12hrs a day!?
$53.
I am gonna faint any moment.
i regretted taking up tis bloody job.
Repeating e same action for 12 long hrs.
Wth sia.
worst of all,i haf 2 wake up 5 in e morning!
But for e sake of e money,i haf 2 be optimistic?might haf 2 turn 2 e changi job=.=
Those leaders there aint any better.
Scolding aunties who r older den them.
I pity them.
But there's realli nth i can do abt it.
Needa find a new job.
Been tahaning..
My leg hurts,my finger hurts too..
Kh's fingermail bleed.
Cant slp ytd.
Something happened at home.
again.
Haix,endless problems.
it's falling.
shld haf stayed at kun's hse instead.
Bad mood.
Sucky job,sucky siblings.
Wat more can i ask for?
life indeed,are not smooth sailing.
Thankfully,i learnt how 2 tolerate.
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Running a flu now.
Haix.
i am so kelian.
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i haf so many 2 sae,but i am suffering from a brain dead now.
Kept thinking about lots of things during these few days of work.
Haix.
Life life life.
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Pardon me for my attitude problem.
Yoooo...
Blogging at e lan shop.
So pathetic.
haha..some1 of ur shld noe why i haf 2 resort 2 blogging in a lan shop instead of at home..
Wont be blogging quite often i supposed.
I am finally gonna work.
Mon-sun,in a factory..
do some factory stuff.
I haf slacked enuf,it's time i work.
ok.gtg..
the shop's closing now.
Christmas and my talentine isor are jus around e corner!!
Wishing everyone a merry christmas in advance.
Have fun..and haf presents=)
Jesus is e reason for e season!!
Amen!
I am jus like the excess electron in convalent bond in relationships.
Haix..it onli plays the part of joining 2 "other bonds" together.?
Yea Yea yEA!!!
I finally receive e phone call ytd!!!
And yes,I am IN e finals!!!
hooray!!!
REJOICE!!!!!!
haha,2gether 2 other person,we will compete for e champion=)
Tis is not jus a 4 person talentine!
Hahas........It will probably on e thanksgiving day,27 or 28.
Shall inform ur on e dates.
Those ppl tat wanna support me one..
Do make urself free!
Hopefully...I will oso receive e phone call for jobs..
Cos i feel sooooooooooo rotten and useless without hafing a job!!!
ARGHHH!!!!
Slack slack slack.
I am waiting for Phone calls.
ARRR!!they r driving me nuts.
Literally.
I wan a job.
I wan 2 get into e finals.
I wanna invite frens for christmas.
AND I WANNA WATCH DEJAVU,NIGHT IN MUSUEM AND TRUST THE MAN!
HAHAHA!!!!!!!
These r my goals for tis month.
Noticed there's no losing weight?
Awww..let nature take its course.
No money very jia lat one u noe?
Cannot go out.
Slack at home like wanna rot like tat.
If go out,c fren eat,u cannot eat.
HOW TORTURING IS TAT!!!!!
I need 2 get a job.
NEED INCOME!!!!!!!
NEED MONEY!!!!
"Love is not how you forget,but how you FORGIVE; not how you LISTEN,but how you UNDERSTAND; not what you see,but what you FEEL and not how you let go,but how you HOLD ON!"
-Anon
Question:Do i love?
Yo...i am finally back for another entry..
ha...it has been quite some while since i last blog.
Currently staying at wen jie's place,using her com,since she's away for her empire course..
Had been looking for jobs past few days.
Went 2 a job agency jus now.
Hopefully,they will contact me soon.
I desparately need a job,my parents are quite reluntant 2 gif me allowance.
I am still waiting for e phone call from cheryl,one of e person-in-charge of e talentine.
She promised 2 call me latest by sunday 2 let me noe whether did i make it for the finals.
But she smsed me ytd and told me tat e judges need more time,she will call me today.
Afterall,choosing 5 isnt easy.
Have been catching Asian games DOHA on channel 5 for e past few days.
Find them quite entertaining,and this is probably the 1st time i get so enthu into watching sports.
Those speeding ping-pong balls,dashing shuttle cocks,human fish and of cos,those rolling bowling balls.
Ahh,i'm not so impressed wif chinas winning so many gold medals.
They train from young,which means,they no need 2 study.
U noe althelics,if in any situation,u loses a part or 2,u r dead man.
Be it running or watsoeva.
But they do earn alot thou.
Singapore pays 250k for a gold medal..woah,tats 1/4 of a million.
But it's not easy,it involves plenty of hardwork and sweat.
It's realli e passion for e sports.
Shi xin hui released a new album.
Oh gosh,no way will i buy her album
For God's sake,no way can she be SEXY!
It's her vocals tat r marketable.
Wonder wat her company r planning.
She makes me wanna puke.
Totally,bad planning,bad bad bad.
It takes 2 hands 2 clap,i wonder wat shi xin hui is tinking.
Christmas is approaching soon.
Woooo!!!!
So excited...haaaaaaaaaa.
Jus a year ago,i lived such a purposeless life.
The routine for each day r always the same.
No aims.
And i questioned myself,wat shld i do in e future?
Wat's my purpose in life?
I found all tis answers in e Word of God,the bible.
I found my purpose in life..
And i noe why am i here for.
Not jus a accident.
I tink alot.
To me,frens r important.
The closer the fren,the higher is my expectation towards him.
It's not for me 2 control.
Like wat i had always sae,the higher ur expectation,the greater is ur disappointment.
Tats realli true.
I experienced it.
If i am not even worth a few hrs of your time.
There's realli no much value in tis frenship.
They may not noe how much their presence means to me.
Perhaps is e lack of heart 2 heart chats.
But 2 me,frenship involves affirmation,sacrifice,honesty and openess.
We cant jus live for ourselves all e time.
I am not angry,jus disappointed.
Perhaps i displayed my disappointment in a wrong way.
But i am realli utterly disappointed.
To tink tat i had always tot ur will be more den gladly 2 support me.
Haaa..i was wrong,always wrong.
But thanks for "telling" me.
Read "train man" tat wen jie borrowed from her fren ytd.
Quite interesting.
And tat was also when i told myself.
It's time for me 2 do some reading.
My english sux.
Jus a few days ago,i was wondering when was e last time i cried,
I came 2 realised dat it had been long...realli long.
I began 2 ask myself how does it feel like 2 shed a tear.
I asked how,but i dint asked for it.
I wear tis smile wherever i go,
Ppl tinks dat i dun haf problems.
But the fact tat i haf lots,little ppl noe.
And recently,i find it hard 2 smile as carefreely as i did
I hate being born into tis family.
It sux,
Especially my elder bro.
Jus ytd,we quarrelled.
He provoked me 2 and shouted 2 me,asking me 2 hack him.
I almost did it.
I cant control myself,i cannot surpress e anger n the hatred i have for him.
I wan him dead,tats wat i told wen jie ytd.
But thank God,i dint hack him,instead,i called the police.
The police came,questioned us wat happened.
I told dem wat happened.
But seems 2 me tat when they questioned my mom,
She tried all means 2 protect him.
I cant tolerate it.
She isnt helping him at all.
I cried,becos she loved him more den i do.
I am more successful den him.
But yet since young,she is always siding him.
Since young,i am always at fault.
My siblings bullied me,i shouted,and get beaten up by my parents instead.
I dread the feeling of going home.
Perhaps,no one loves me afterall.
People who noe me shld noe.
My parents dun call me when its late.
I dun like staying at home.
I would rather sleep on e floor on xs hse,den going home.
My parents gave me education is becos they wan me 2 provide for dem when they grow old.
I am nothing.
If i am as stupid as my 2 other siblings.
My parents would had forced me 2 work.
In e spite moment,i told my mom tat i dun wan 2 carry on my education.
I wan 2 work,provide for myself,and move out of e house.
It sux.completely.
I hate my bro,kk once asked me if i haf the Death Book,who would i kill 1st?
I Said,without considering..tats my bro.
If his dead,all my misery will end.
He causes me 2 be demean in e family.
I cant stand it.
They sae God is fair.
But i tink tat my God is good.
The devil gave me a bro.
But God gave me my cousins and my fren.
The devil took a bro away,but God gave me 10+ other ppl tat cared for me.
I thank God,and i thank them.
Thx wen jie,kun lots...i noe ur will be wif me in tough times.
Thx for trying 2 cheer me up ytd.
Thanks=)
And of cos,Kok kIan,kian hao,zhi liang,yehui,claudia,valerie,xuan hui,karista and jason ng
One of e reason tat gave me e strength 2 move on are definitely u guys.
And those ppl tat r willing 2 listen 2 my complaints tat nite at e coffeeshop.
Thx.
God is good.
i am leaving 2 wen jie's hse for quite some time.
Been thinking about tis for the past few days.
Wats the different between classmates and friends?
Classmates-
Jus companion,in class and schs.
After class and sch,they will jus pretend tat both nv exist.
Dun exchange smses,wont take intiative 2 tok 2 each other on msn,or rarely visits each other blogs.
No matter how "sticky" ur r in sch,ur are still classmates.
After graduation,ur will be off 2 find a new group of classmates,or companion.
Friends-
May not be close in sch,but after sch,will naturally exchange smses or chat on msn.
Its long lasting,cos they dun need "circumstances" 2 notice each other.
After graduation,they will still keep in contact.
In my opinion,closer friends r those dat u dun see everyday,yet u still keep in contact wif them.
I am cutting down on classmates and focusing on friends.
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We will nv noe how the 2nd party tinks about u unless u find out from the 3rd party.
Yet,no one dares 2 ask,becos they r unable 2 accept the fact.
Tat the 2nd party tinks badly about u.
