Next week is our term-test already!!!
Time just flies so fast isn't it?
Especially for people like me.
Cause one of my all time favorite is procrastinating.
And it seems that procrastinating doubles the rate of our senses to how fast time runs.
I had spent more then one month in temasek polytechnic, and had left Junyuan for more then six months.
And soon,i will be taking my first paper in TP.
Despite that,i am still in my holiday mood.
Because, Poly doesnt seems to provide the correct atmostphere for me to study.
Perhaps I am just not used to this.
Hahahahaha...People who knows me might just say,"You dont even study one lah"
It's no doubt true, but comparing both environment, Poly's make me even more not feel like studying!
I am still in the midst of absorbing datas and trying to process them into information.
Hopefully, I will not flunk,cause the difference between the system of poly and secondary is so far apart.
You know, in the past, i can happily score f9 for my 100 amath paper, yet as long as i pass it for my olevel, who cares how many f9s i had before.
But in contrast, every single test counts.
And each test result piles and affect one another.!
Ahhh..now who was the one that told me that poly life is slack?
Hahaha...Just one week, one week of intensive revision is enough!
Because following the term test, is our term BREAK!!!
Now thats my motivation.
Because I have so many things to do.!
I wanna go out with Kun and WEN JIE!!!
I MISS WEN JIE SO MUCH!
CAN YOU HEAR ME WEN JIE!!!???
I MISS YOUR PRETTY FACE
LOL.
I also wanna go out with my cliques.
You know who you are...hahaha
Somewhere far..far..far..
I am sick of tampines already.
I wanna go out with 4e4'06 classmates!
Cause it has been so long since i last see some of you!
When are we going marina south?
I wanna eat!
Hopefully,i will also be able to meet up with C171 too!
I wanna reconstruct my blogskin!
Cause i realise that there's something wrong with my current blogskin.
I wanna do more photoshopping!
And compile all my beloved friend's photo together.
I wanna sleep ten millions hour per day.
Cause i never had enough sleep since school reopened.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.
JUNE IS SPECIAL! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
AND I WANNA EAT, KBOX AND MOVIES!
May all of the above be my motivation.
Enough of this, i need to sleep.
My bloody visual literacy lesson starts at 9 tomorrow.
And i had just finish my 100 ideas.
Hooray..one down!
But i can sense that more assignment are already on their way to haunt me.
There's a voice in me, telling me to intiate the first move.
But at the same time, there's another one that tells me to drop that idea.
I am trying hard to figure out which voice should i heed.
Despite throughout thoughts, i am back to where i started.
Which one should i heed?
I procrastinated and slacked myself through the whole of today.
Was actually SUPPOSED to work on my WDS proposal,then proceed on to my Visual literacy 100 ideas.
But obviously,when i say i procrastinated, it simply means, i did nothing.
Well, i did do something actually, i played a few matches of dota today,and guess what, some bloody arseholes simply decides to leave the game when they on the verge of losing.
Hence,i am still stuck at my bloody navigation diagram.
I can clearly understand what kun has been going through.
Cause I understand what it feels like when someone don't appreciate the things that we did for them.
But as much as i understand, i really hope that there's something that i can help him with.
But the truth is, as a outsider, i can do little or no help to him.
I guess the only thing that i can do for him, is to lend him a listening ear.
Every family has their own problem to solve.
But luckily, we K.W.S's company,that makes us feel more justified and that someone out there that cares for us.
Hmm..i had originally typed out 1 whole chunk of emotional stuff.
But i have decided to delete them away cause it's irrelevant.
To cut it short, i just wanna say.
Friends don't treat each other as thou they are invisible.
They talk and they communicate.
Anyway, tomorrow is going to be a busy day.
And it's extreamly busy because not only am i working to meet schedule, i am working to meet my tight budget.
I wish that i had made more planning when i received my allowance earlier this month.
At certain time, i have this feeling that i am moving forward to past.
I am neither sad,nor emo now.
But i am just pretty pissed off by how some people tries to outshine others.
They, in one way or another, tries to proof that they will be the best,and act like they already know everything
They behave like they are the smartest in the bunch, and place themselves highly above others.
Also, they boast about their successes and talents to every other people.
This reminds me how we used to behave in our primary school days.
I had lived 4 years of my life with the absense of such behaviour, yet i am seeing it again.
It just tells me how each individual progresses with time.
Some grown much matured, yet some, grown little or none.
I won't deny this actually helps in boosting my fighting spirit, because i don't wish to be triump over by this sort of people, but still, i think that a balanced and less boastful competition and behaviour will work just as well.
By drawing attention through proclaiming loud that you will be the best, dont ever fall, cause you will fall harder then others.
Yes,make sure you really have what it takes to be what you proclaimed yourself to be, or else, when you don't, you will find the pain unbearable.
Seriously,anyone that works his way humblely are a genius to me, but those that works their way boastfully,regardless of how bloody high their IQs is, are just like fools in my eyes.
Because,human beings make mistakes, and you won't know when you will be making them.
The difference between a humble person and a proud person is that, when both fails, the humble person will face lesser or no discrimation and critisism compared to the proud person because they had not-knowingly drawn much attention to themselves.
And among those attentions,there are bound to have people who finds his failure entertaining.
And would bet and pay to see them fail.
Of course,i am not one of those, what i will do is that,i will try as much to be slightly above those kind of people.
Term test is in 2 weeks time.
Hopefully,history will not repeat itself once again.
And i won't be hanging in the mid air when term test arrives.
I browses through my lecture notes whenever i am bored or when i have the time, and had been constantly reminding myself that term test is coming.
I even did a To-Do list on my desktop to make sure that those undone assignment will haunt me even when i am dotaing.
I have also been consitantly engaging myself in photo-shopping because i found out that it works pretty much the same as macromedia fireworks.
But still,i am still lack of that bit of commitment and self-discipline to balance out my timetable well.
Frankly speaking, i don't know whats going on in Computer system and is only mid-way through in PRSP, and if this goes on, i can proclaim myself dead.
Currently,i am working on my Webdesign proposal that will be due next friday and it seems that despite spending the whole of yesterday afternoon working on it, i still have lots of thing not done.
Apart from my webdesign proposal, i have to brainstorm my 100 ideas for Visual literacy that will be due this coming tuesday..The only time i touched them was when i was trying to tidy up my bag and place and scattered notes into my file.And you know, i hate brainstorming, cause i have very limited braincells to zap.
The reason why i am working on the later due assignment is because, i wanna keep my vesak day free!
I have been trying not very hard to find a job, cause i realise i have been making ends meet ever since poly started, and since protestion for a higher allowance has little, and non remarkable increase, it's really time to get myself more occupied.
I am in serious need for more clothing and i realise my shoes is tearing apart.
I have been asking myself what is the factor that has been triggering my moves,and i narrowed it all down to my fears.
I realise that i am actually not a very bold person and neither am i a timid one.
What's stopping my ways are the thought of failure whenever i am making a.
I always think before i make any major decision,but it's never on the optimistic side.
And hence, i aborted certain ideas because i feel that it will not work out right.
This has become a major habit in my life,and it seems to be affecting all my decision.
Some practical examples are like when it comes to sparring, i gets intimidated whenever I face a new opponent,i am afraid to execute any kicks because i am afraid that i will get countered.And apparently,i will end up with lesser injuries if i hasn't think that much.
Another example will be when it comes to performing for a crowd, i gets intimated easily and always feel that i will not be able to perform well,hence,i always make a last minute decision to avoid these performances..And something that i realise about myself is that,i always hold my words, that whenever i say i will not be able to achieve it, it will always come to pass.
This fear thing affects all aspect in my life,even relationships.
Maybe i need more recognision from myself then from others.
I am lack of that self-confidence that others have,that even when someone say i am good, i will agree with them,yet deep down inside, i feel that i am not.
How i wish,i can cheer up but just chanting,cheer up,cheer up!
But as much as i wanna cheer up,i simply cant.
How can things ever get worst?
I skipped this morning web design's practical because i took the wrong bus.
I was at kun's house bus-stop,and was supposed to board bus 15.
From afar,i saw a half-blocked bus that ends with a 5,and without hesitation,i board onto it.
I was quite sleepy as i didnt manage to have to good sleep previous night,therefore,i dozed off on the bus.
When i woke up at about half-hr later,i realise that i was at hougang.
I was so shocked!i quickly alighted the bus,and realise that the bus i took,was 55,instead of 15.
And when i finally reached tampines,it was already 9.30.
Instead of heading to school,i headed home hoping to get some nap.
But i didnt managed to.
My brother was argueing with my father.
Haiz.
I headed to school,and thankfully,school was so much better.
Lesson ended,and i headed down to the library cause i dont feel like going home.
And slacked there till 6.
I decided not to go for tkd training,and just wants to find something to do.
I headed to ITAS,bought some snacks,and was heading home.
Saw a friend,we said hello to each other,and walked off without a bye.
Guess,we have our own things to do,and cant even spare 5mins for a small chat.
But it's happening too fast.
It has only been a few weeks,and now we dont communicate much in any form of communication already..
Guess,i wasnt over-worrying,it just prove that my instinct was right.
Went home,and realise that something drastic had happened.
My sis decided to shift to her friends house,and me,to kun's hse.
Leaving my bro and my parents at home.
Our family is falling apart,and it wont be long,before my parents sells the house,and each of us will lead our own life on our own...
I saw that coming.
And all these,wont happen if not for my bastard elder brother.
I am losing my kinship and my friendship.
And i am getting less alert day by day.
I dont know what is going to happen to me.
Despite eating 4 bars of chocalate,it still dont help.
I hate restrictions,i just wanna live my life happily.
Now,i cant even concentrate on my homework,my brains is just full of thoughts right now.
I had clean forgotten all the things that i had learnt in lecture.
Am i going to flunk because of all these?
Ah Boon!
Brace yourself together!
You can do it man.
You are not living for other people but yourself.
Dont let what that doesnt matters you,bothers you.
I believe,others wont want to see you this way either.
Stop using this as an excuse for more chocalate.
It's not good for you.
Didnt you say you wanna slim down?
Why make empty promises?
Others had moved on to lead their own individual lifes.
With or without you.
And if you dont get your butt moving right NOW.
You will remain in this form in the 3 years to come.
What for?
When they dont even care?
Look at you,where did all your so called "good friends" went to,when you needed someone to talk to.
People whom aint that close to you,showed you more concern.
Why are you so sensitive?
Why are you kicking a big fuss over such matter?
It's only a trivial matter yet you are making it sound so big.
Dont you find yourself irritating?
No wonder all of friends left you.
You deserve it,and if you dont change,you will suffer.
May this be a lesson for you.
You are always looking at the small portion of disappointment,and neglected the bigger portion of happiness.
Count yourself lucky to be C171.
They are such nice bunch of people!
And also,meeting once a week is better then nothing right?
Why is it that you find it hard to accept?
They have their own friends to entertain,so do you.
In cases like this,you will have to make the wisest decision
Somethings are best left unsaid,
Rather then thinking,they had abandon you.
Why not respect their decision.
You yourself know that if you continue sticking with your secondary friends,you will never know more new friends.
We make the decision to whether which path to take.
So,dont make yourself as if you are the sorriest person in this whole world.
You are lucky enough already!
I am contradicting.
Yet,despite all said.
I cant help,but to end off with a sigh.
Haiz.
I really wanna stay happy,cheerful and lively even in the night.
Just how bored can i get?
I am just clicking icons after icons thats on my desktop.
And ended up closing them once they finish loading.
Despite having undone assignments,and basically nothing to do online.
I simply refuses to leave my seat.
I dont enjoy clicking icons.
And doing nothing.
But yet,i want to do them.
I dont even have the interest to talk on msn,nor playing pirate kings or dota at this moment.
Just some random thoughts that are running through my mind.
And they seems to be so overwhelming.
I have no mood.
Just no mood.
Nevermind,
Lets try something new.
I am so happy,so glad and so over the mood
i had never feel so much joy in my 17th years of living.
I am happy,and contented with my life and relationships right now.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Having moodswing again.
I guess..
I dont understand myself well enough.
What do i want exactly?
I just hate night time.
Makes me feel so lonely and that even if i die,no one cares.
Haiz..
I have been experiencing errors after errors on blogger.
It seems so hard for me to blog.
I am getting too tired to blog.
Because I am strained,be it emotionally,mentally or physically.
I am having serious headache right now.
I cant sort out..
Nothing seems to be coming in place.
I just feel like a border lying in the middle of the expressway,that refuses to budge.
I am still living in the past,but was forced to move on.
And was on the verge of tearing while reading and looking at those past photos and posts.
So much has changed.
So much,that i cant seems to recognize them anymore.
Give me some time,i am just no in the mood of blogging.
Hello everyone.
My new notebook is here!!!
Do your know what does that symbolises?
Yes,I am free from the clutch of my brother!!!
Because in the future,i will not need to seek his consent when i wanna come online!
Wanted to blog yesterday,but due to the unforeseen quarrels with my bro,i did not manage to do so.
Went back with claudia and cheryl yesterday to retrieve our o level cert.
It was really a very last min decision as i did not even know that yesterday was officially the 1st day to get our cert.
We literally rushed down to junyuan as claudia had her lesson,and i had my audition at 3.
Yea,we reached there within 10mins...and we realise that we still have plenty of time.!
Oh well,after we collected our cert,we wanted to visit our teachers..those usual few.
But we were quite surprise when we saw Ang K.S!
He told us that he might be back teaching in junyuan for some reason.
Hmm..After talking with him for quite some time,claudia left for lesson.
And we visited those usual teachers~Had a great time chatting with them.=)
And yea,i will be returning back to school on 22th may to perform a chinese song.!
It will be on a tues.=)
After those visitation,i realise that it was already 2.55!
I decided to cab down to geylang...lor 23 lah.
Cause the audition is held there.
Wasted $8 for the cab fee,yet i was still lost in geylang.
Spent a hard time trying to find the audio house because i went the opposite direction=.=
At last,reach the building,and had my audition.
ahhh...the person told me that he love my voice,and would definitely wanna work with me in the future..and he doesnt wanna lose me.
But he would prefer me to be in his singing class for $150 per month.
And the reason given to me was,he wants me to be more experience.
However,he will still keep in view of my information even if i choose not to enrol into the course.
And if there's a song that he feels it suits my voice,he will inform me.
Well..in order to prevent myself from being conned again,i had decided not to enrol.
Hmm..cause,saying sweet talks is easy.
He might not mean what he have said,he is just after my money!
And if i falls into his trap,i am dead.
Although i know,what he had said is really true.LOL
And if its true,he would not wanna let me go just because i am not in his class.
Right?
I think i have finally made a wise decision.
Eh...i have forgotten to go down to MOM after the audition yesterday..:p
Next week!
Was sharing with kun,wen jie and kian hao about my life.
And I came to realise that,i lead a very sad life man!!
I realise that I had been conned by so many people at one point or another in my life,and it was only till yesterday that i realise that i have been conned!
Apart from those silly lies that our parents and siblings used to tell us when we were still young.
Like,"We picked you up from the dustbin/streets or some other ulu places.",Or "We promise..."
And they never came to pass.
I was conned by strangers!
I think i have this really friendly face that con-mans loves.
They always love to target me to be their next target.
I can easily list down 10 incident,and this 10 incident only came to my attention yesterday that they were all lies,after serious analyzation by wen jie and kun.
Which in other words,i was conned,without me knowing it.
Lets not talk about the more serious matters.
Lets talk about the trivial ones 1st.
In primary school,my school mates loves to borrow $0.50-$1 from me.
That was considered a huge amount for us,as primary 1 and 2 kids.
I sacrificed,and lent it to them,only to find out that it never return.
It happened More then twice,but i just fall for it each time.
To make things worst, I have always find it awkward to remind them that they had borrowed money from me..
Once,i finally plucked up the courage to remind,because i was rather depleted.
And guess what?they claimed that they had forgotten all about the it.
It's ok,take it that i was too kind-hearted.
There's a 7/11 near my house.
And back then,i love to wander around on streets and always end in that 7/11.
That uncle,told me that i will get free ice-cream if i help him with his stuffs.
I ended up helping him with his goods,and mopping the floors,and cleaning the glass pane.
And all i get in return,was a $1 ice cream.
Ok,take it that i was doing free charity.
I have always been a fan for video games due to the influence from my elder brother.
I love to go CS's arcade to play the video games there.(I am still visiting it,despite the changes.)
Argh..people borrowed tokens from me,and never return.
Years later,i upgraded!
Yes,i began going safra instead of CS.
The first online game i played was diablo 2.
And thinking back,i think i was rather dumb to pay "installments" to those adults that sells diablo 2's by items.
Calculating the amount i spent for these virtual items.
It's easily more then $100-200.
What happened in the end?
My account was deleted by blizzard because they found hacked items in my account.
The next game i played was,Ragnarok Online.
I first started playing the international server,and bought an noob account that one of the con-man created.
Silly me,let him created the account without asking the the information.
I spent $18 on the reload card,and $20 for the noob items.
I played for 2days,and did not login for a week or so, i recalled.
And i never login to that account ever again.
Why?
Someone changed the password.
I then started playing another server for 1 year,owning a few accounts.
And each month,i have to pay $18 for each account.
It was only till almost everyone quitted RO,that i follow suit.
When a person is prone to being cheated,i think it relatively applies to all aspect of their life.
Even for buying things.
Perhaps i was just naive back then,i thought i have grown more alert.
I bought a zinc shit coloured sling bag for $40.
I dint check on the goods,cause i trusted the shop-keeper,thinking that he wont cheat me.
I was WRONG.
There was something wrong by the side of the strap..Cause it was the last bag in stock.
And i did not realise it.
One week later,the strap snap.
And i recalled,for one day in school,i have to drag the bag all around..=.=
That wasnt so bad,cause i have bought a real zinc bag.
Immedially after the bag snapped,i hurried to buy myself another one.
I landed myself at FAR EAST PLAZA,and bought a LE COQ SPORTIZ BAG for $70.
I thought that this might last me longer cause I was paying much more for the quality.
And it did,one month later?it snapped,like the previous,at very same place.
I tracked back to why it snapped.
Intially,i thought it was my fault,for not taking good care of it.
But after much investigation,i realised that,that was a FAKE LE COQ!
I bought a prepaid reload card,and it says on the card that i can exchange the it for a free mac meal.
I tried exchanging yesterday,and the person told me that...
THe promotion has long expire.
Even for studies!
We paid jerome $200 per person for the same time-slot each month.
To be honest,jerome should have decrease the amount of tuition fee that each person have to pay.
He did not..
And,he did not even complete the tuition with us through o levels.!
And recently,i think every one know that.
I Was conned off by terence for a month's salary.
I never see him since we last departed.
He seems to have disappear into thin air.
And poor me,my official 1st working experience,was a bad one,thanks to him.
Sad life right?..
I am having this huge amount of self-pitiness in me.
Was telling kian hao this afternoon,and he even dare to joke telling me that he was cheating me all along!...
Kiat asked me why i did not kick the person who conned me.
And my reply will be,i did not know i was conned till yesterday.
Whats the moral?
I lead a sad life.
And i trust others too much,even strangers.
So,please,dont cheat me anymore!!!!
I am dumb..and i believe xiong sheng will gladly agree with this statement.
