Was reading through my friend's past entries.
I noticed the difference my responses,and the flow of thoughts while reading them back then and now.
Hahaha.
School's reopening in a week's time, and i feel so discouraged at the thoughts of the amount of workload that i will have to face.
Moreover, the workload that i am going to face in sem 2.1 is said to be much more then what i have faced in the previous sem.
And the rumour regarding the high dropout rates in year 2 pretty much crippled me once more.
But whatever it is, i will just take things slowly.But not too slowly thou.
Hopefully, a mircale will happen, i pray for interesting module.
Or rather, modules that interest me.
On another note, work @ claudia's mom office has stopped temporary because me and xiong will not be free on weekdays from tomorrow onwards.
There are still work left undone and the plan is to go back on of the saturday to get the things all done.
I am feeling suicidal due the the wounds that are on my hands caused by cupboards.
And the syndromes of sickness is surfacing.
What a time to get sick, on the last week of holiday.
So my last week of holiday is dedicated to work and church, leaving only a thursday for me.
And i might giving it a miss to Week 0 briefing and c171 bbq on this coming friday and saturday respectively.
I have been wanting to change my blogskin.
But i am having no inspiration at all.
Guess i will just steal another person's blogskin for now.
Acknowledging that something is wrong is one step towards a solution.
But what you are gonna do about, is the bigger challenge and it determines what kind of person you are, and how important the solution is to you.
If you don't mean what you say, or have no intention of doing it, then don't bother saying it in the first place.
I am not emotional, just sentimental.
Human's relation is a irony.
The stronger the bonding, the more fragile it gets.
Not in a way whereby two will easily fall out with each other over trival things.
But that there will seems to have more trivial things arising as it gets stronger.
Factor contributing, in hand with expectations.
It just cross my mind that perhaps, Selfishness also plays a part as well.
They expect more from others, because they put themselves in front of he/she.
"How could you do this to me?"
"I treated you so well, yet you do this back to ME"
"You should understand ME more then anyone else"
To put it bluntly, you are just beating around the bush to tell that best friend of yours, " Hey, i am more important then you."
It's just another form of self-centerness.
But of course, i am not defending any side here.
When such thing happens, both is at fault.
For the first party,
You should understand that mutual trust important when it comes to building up relationships.
Because, if you trust the person, you should know that he/she will never do it.
Otherwise, if you don't, why did you call he/she your friend?.
And if you cannot even trust or try and understand he/she, what makes you think that you can do something even more?
And as for the second party.
Why do you think the first party will misunderstand you.
Was it your response?
Or is it that the friendship isn't vise-versa?
And if you really did something wrong
Where were you coming out from? is it against your concious?
Ultimately.
One should understand that, you have to furfill your obligation before you start saying you cherish or love someone.
And when the obligation turns free-will
You truely achieve that.
True friends are hard to come.
I shouldnt be so selfish.
And start being self-less.
It's such a contradiction.
People who are self-fish by nature, will find what i have said, TOTALLY invalid.
I used "totally" because you may still find them invalid, because thats what i think.
And no, if you think so, you are certainly not those people that i am referring to.
Abit of frustration
That bit of disappointment
Certainly not very happy
I am trying to be nice.
But realising that people take the "act of being nice" for granted.
It feel so not worth the effort.
But anyway, i am sorry if the chalet didnt turn out too well.
Lastly, it took me long to realise that i dont clique well.
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I was suddenly reminded of what pastor had preached.
In life, there are bound to be dark valleys where we will have to walk through.
But if we just hang on, and keep moving on, soon we will see the light that will bring out of that valley.
Else, you will just be stuck in that valley and never ever, move on.
God is with me.
I am currently addicted to family guy.
Ok, i know, i am slow, cos its like so long already.
But that doesnt stop me from watching it.
Cos it just too plain dirty yellow funny.
Sh!ty's gonna fly off to taiwan pretty soon.
Am gonna ask her to help me do some shopping.
You know, i am so not into shopping, the moment I stepped into a shop, i will become sleepy and so no motivation to continue finding things to buy.
So, i believe her taste, and hopefully, her taste is the same as mine. HAH.
Anyway, regarding the previous post, i think i should really have more confident in myself and believe that i am mature enough and my decisions are right.
And i know, it all boils down to me, what i can be, and who i am.
And not, who i hope to be.
I should really look at what i have, and not what i not have.
Infact, i have more then what i have not, but i was just being too much of a pessimist.
But frankly, i can't help, but to look at my new, and pretty obvious scratches on my handphone screen, and the small crack at the back on my psp and say, "Omg, so xin tong", and at the same time, continue to not taking care of my things by just throwing them around.
who would have thought, after trying and perservering for what i think would be best for me and others, it all meant nothing.
In a state of dilema.
I don't know where is this coming from.
I do believe that people learn from their mistakes, and what that doesnt kill, makes one stronger.
But as much as learning from one's mistakes makes me a better person, its burdering me.
And now, before i make up any decision, i will consider, continuously, and indecisively, not that i don't have a mind on my own, but i am just afraid that i will make that very same mistake again.
Or something similar.
I am feeling afraid, and insecured all over.
I always thought that i am always considerate when it comes to maintaining a win-win situation and even, putting others before me.
But it isn't always the case, there are times where i overlooked certain things, or there are things that just wouldn't work on certain people that have worked on some others.
The more i think about it, the more i feel insecured
What if history repeats itself?
Or what if he/she doesnt share the same view as me? yet again.
It's never ending.
The worst pain is to be taken for granted for the things that you have done and always trying to put in 100%, only to realise that you are only getting no where more then 50% back.
To make the pain even more unbearable is to get misunderstood for doing so much.
Its all the little attitude that makes a difference.
My mind wandering into the darkness. yet again.
So a ang-moh customer walk in today, and began taking his order like any other customer, but indecisively.
Customer: hmm. do u have.
Me: Yea? have?...
Customer: Something closest to?.. let me see.
Me: Closest to?...
Customer: Yea, something for my girlfriend.
Me: Oh. what would she like to have?
Customer: she wants something chocolaty, do you have anything closest to the double chocolate something from COFFEE BEAN. cos i have been trying to look for coffee bean down the stretch of road but cant find any.
Stunned, i almost wanted to tell him that there's a coffee bean just one street across at paragon. but i quickly get hold my "Professionalism" and promoted chocolate cream chip to him.
Classic.
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Yea, i am updating.
Else people will start saying i am not doing any update or what so ever.
Whats happening in my life.
So i caught some movies during the holiday and they are all great movies.
Speaking about movies, careless and dumb me lost 3 semi-pro movie tickets 15mins after we bought it from cineleisure on easter day.
So damn bloody careless ok, and i have seriously no idea why i lost them.
But the ticket seller, or what ever you call them, was kind enough to give me,xiong and hao a replacement ticket.
The tickets were really special, because it was hand-written.
I wanted to take a photo of it and show you guys.
But apparently, i lost the tickets, again.
And i watched Sha Po lang and flashpoint @ xiong's place yesterday.
Damn cool, damn bloody, but its damn nice.
Especially when it comes to the fighting scene.
Speechless.
Frankly, i have nothing no blog about.
But i am proud to say.
For once in my life, i feel very peaceful
No, i am not dieing.
But just that, everything seems so comfortable, and everything is just coming into place.
My worries, doesnt worry me as much as it did as before.
But you know, i realise that drifting apart isnt just not meeting up.
Sometimes, you can still drift apart even when you see someone everyday.
Its when, you are sitting just next to them, but in totally different world.
Having nothing in common to talk about.
And i thinking i am really going haywired in my thoughts right now.
What i am saying just doesnt link.
Lastly, quote from my wonderful cousin, wen jie which i find it so true.
it is good to do reflections.. but reflections is done to change. to know how to make things better.. and not to dwell in the past emotions. (:
I will really blog again. soon
I am sorry.
I just wanna take this time out to apologize for the things that i have previously done to anybody.
This is certainly not because somebody, or anybody that i have offended and is angry with me right now, nor i have just did something wrong,
It's just that, i have the sudden surge of sadness and guiltness that which are not caused by one or two events, but many, many things that i used to over-looked in the past.
Although it's really nothing much and nobody is looking at them again.
But, i know that even thou things are not shown, nor said, but people do see the mistakes that i have made, and eventually, and uncontrollably,it gets embedded into their sub-concious.
And this leads to misconception, and misunderstanding.
By apologizing, i am not admitting i am in the wrong, or i am always in the wrong or anything.
But i just wanna say,I am sorry, for i am not perfect.
And i thank you people, for accepting my flaws,and for who i am.=)-------------------------------------------------------
Shagged~
Really shagged from the many days of working.
It was fun nonetheless thou.Minus those irritating customers.
But i am really tired physically already lah.
And with a 9hr shift tomorrow, i almost wanna puke it all out.
Thankfully,i am off for the subsequent 3 days till sunday.=)
So they say that result is coming out this week.
I am actually not looking forward to it because i dont wanna take any sup paper.
Well, Hopefully not, and i shall rejoice.
And yea, after watching step up 2 with xiong and liang the other day.
I am really convicted at picking up a new skill.
Its definitely not gonna be dancing,although it does aids me in losing weight, but i simply cant spin my head like them.
Probably guitar, or even, PIANo.!
Life has been great, being around people makes me feel good.
And its even better with a big obstacle and misunderstandings that was incurred for a long time cleared.
The long chat the other day was great, and you really have no idea how long have i thought through before telling you all that.
Although it still didnt turn out correctly, but you still got the idea. ha.
It really took me lots of courage thou, like what i have said, either i nailed it, or blow it.
And i guess, i nailed it.
And it really proves me wrong because i have always feel that you dont bother at all.
You have no idea how relieved i felt.
Lets just hope that history won't repeat thou.
Life, however hasnt been so great because i hasnt been seeing most people.
And will hopefully meet them soon.
And i hasnt been jogging for a week.
Damn.
If i am not being like myself, i am simply too shagged.
Ending off.
4E4 Class chalet is ON!!!
The chalet has been booked and will be held on 9-11th april @ Aloha LOYANG!
Do make yourself free on that day and get back to us whether you are coming ASAP.
See you guys at the chalet!
Hello 4E4 peeps, please vote for the type of gathering your want for this holiday.
Deleted.
After a long sleep, feeling afresh, i reckon that things might not be as bad as i thought it is.
Maybe its due to the lack of proper sleep that i am getting emo again.
But, I am ok now.
But for whats ahead, things will reveal eventually.
Worrying about it wont change anything.
What yours is yours, and if its otherwise, no matter how hard you struggle, it will change nothing.
